This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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