Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
