I cannot find my penis.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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