Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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