she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
