hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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