It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
