He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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