Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
