worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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