So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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