I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
