so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
