She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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