so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
