YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
