the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
