Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Randomize
