i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
