Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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