I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Randomize
