Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
