Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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