There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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