i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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