life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
