I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
And then he peed in my hair
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