did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
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