I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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