he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
