Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry smileiveta hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(+33): View more from France

I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.

Fav 13 1074 2358
share tweet
(919): View more from North Carolina

Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.

Fav 120 1034 20276
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(650): View more from California

The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.

Fav 6 952 4544
share tweet
(404): View more from Georgia

I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan

Fav 14 5700 1762
share tweet
(612): View more from Minnesota

You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.

Fav 10 4575 1286
share tweet
(856): View more from New Jersey

and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show

Fav 4 3389 1123
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(914): View more from New York

Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?

Fav 18 2846 1096
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(551): View more from New Jersey

My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday

Fav 1 51 6
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(727): View more from Florida

I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.

Fav 0 83 7
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT