i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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