I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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