i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
