If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
