At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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