So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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