i need an iv and a liver transplant
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
