CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
