My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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