I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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