That's intense
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
