You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
