I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
