is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
