6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
My dick has a subreddit
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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