remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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