my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize