You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I just found a bag of teeth...
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
