You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
