Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
