Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
