Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
