had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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