I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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