i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
