Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
don't judge my taste in strippers
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
