thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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