it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
