At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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