so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
