I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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