Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
