He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
