my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
