There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
