the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
my shit smells like andre
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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