help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
