We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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