I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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