Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
