You can't motorboat a personality
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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