butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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