i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize