Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
