Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize
