brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
