it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
