I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize