True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
