I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
