Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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